Embracing The Penguin
by Seraphyne
Summary: Character Study. Oswald Cobblepot makes the hardest decision of his life.
1. S1E1: Decisions

S1E1: Decisions

"Why dyou all wet? Gotham is nasty cold. You catch yer death! Bath! Now!" Gertrude Kapelput, Oswald's mother was livid. He was soaked after all. Holding an umbrella for Fish Mooney while it rained on everyone else. He knew his mother cared, knew she only wanted the best for her son. She loved him as only a mother does. The only one who loved him. His hips aches with the bone-deep cold of the day as he makes his way to the bathroom, his mother fussing over the water pressure and the lack of heat in the small bathroom.

Oswald undresses and sinks down into the hot liquid that helps to sooth away the pain. He warms quickly, but waits for the water to cool. He has a decision to make. He can't live like this forever. True, Gilzean letting use the bat on the thieving waitstaff of Fish Mooney's club had been fun, but it was only because it was something that everyone one else was doing. For once he was a part of the scene instead of Fish's prop. Her errand boy, her foot massager, her bitch. There was no way in hell he'd ever let his mother know that that's all her son had grew up to be. Oswald was smarter than that. True his position at being in visible was the reason he had the secrets he did, but unlike most, he knew what needed to be done with those secrets. Who to tell, who to manipulate, and who to… kill.

He wasn't sure he could kill anyone, had never had the chance or faced a situation where it was needed, but Gotham was a sadistic mistress and everyone who grew up here had to adapt. Still, if he decided to proceed with the plan formulating in his mind… It could end with him dead in a ditch. Rolling on Fish also meant turning against Falcone and though Fish's goons might not come after him with no one paying them, he knew the Mob Boss would. And wouldn't stop until he was surely dead. So he had to play his cards right. Had to make sure that no one knew it was him. Was this a chance he was willing to take? Could he handle the fact that one day his mother might be woken with a knock on the door, the GCPD letting her know that her only son was dead?

Every single thing Fish Mooney had made him do comes rushing through his head. The indignities that she made him admit was his pleasure in doing for her. It made his blood boil. He was not a boy, he was a man and he was sick of the way she treated everyone. He hated her. Would always hate her. His decision was made. He would risk his life so that she did not walk all over anyone else. He was doing a good thing. He was just like the new GCPD detective. The blonde with blue eyes. The boy scout that all the goons was talking about. Oswald was pretty sure that Falcone himself would eventually kill that one. Made him a little sad. It was hard to be a morally good guy in Gotham with all the corruption. Eventually you either let it corrupt you, even just a little bit, or you went insane. How his mother remained her sweet and beautiful self, the green eyed man did not know.


	2. S1E2: Getting Back to Gotham

Setting: S1E2 "Selina Kyle"

He could not believe that the boy's mother had hung up on him! How could she leave her son at the hands of... well a madman, such as he was at that point in time. He had the burning desire to get back to Gotham, his home. Back to his own dear mother and to let her know, if news had circulated, that he was not in fact dead. He didn't want his mother fretting needlessly, thus his urgency in getting back to the city he calls home.

"Well," He says, addressing the figure tied up in the bathroom doorway, "I guess your mother doesn't care if you come out of this unscathed." He places the phone on the counter and reaches for the knife. Two days ago he never would have thought he'd have the capacity to do what he was about to do. The guy starts screaming through the gag in his mouth, trying to fight against his bonds. "I'm sorry. Your mother doesn't love you like mine does." He hobbles over to the college student and pauses, tapping the blade of the knife against his chin, "What should I send her that will spur her wallet open? Will she need a hand? Maybe just a finger? Say, are you left handed or right handed?" All the while the kid is screaming and struggling. Oswald takes a step back as the guy tries to place a well aimed kicked to knock the smaller man down.

"Stop that! This will all be over soon enough! I don't want to kill you.. After all, not everyone has to die..." His green eyes wander around the room not really seeing anything, but remembering. Pleading with the good guy officer, James Gordon to spare his life, that he would do anything if he did. Of course the cop's only request was out of the question. A song lyric drifts up through the cobwebs of his memories, " _I will do anything for love... But I won't do that._ " Oswald chuckles, now singing the song fully. Of course he must return to Gotham. There's no way around that. Revenge is calling his name, that and freeing the city of Fish Mooney. That bitch needed to die.

This train of thought brings him back to the here and now, knife still clasped in his hand. "Ear. I think an ear will spur your dear old mother on. You'll still be able to hear as well. Win, win." He grins, not realizing that it's purely maniacal and scary. Not understanding that with his logical reasoning, the guy at his feet was getting off easy, so then why did he scream louder? Fight harder? Oswald shrugs, not his problem.


	3. S1E3: Reconnecting

Setting S1E3: The Balloonman

Maroni was a moron. Oswald was not the normal-est looking man, his pronounced limp and gaunt look should have had plenty running off to tell Falcone and Fish Mooney that he was still alive, but thankfully the Families and their lackeys all stayed within their own territories. Gotham was a huge city and Maroni's territory stretched over miles so he felt relatively safe in not being found out. Even so, his plan needed help. It needed someone who could pull some weight in all the territories and lucky for Oswald, he knew just the man.

Detective James Gordon, the man who had spared his life. The blonde's last words to him had been to never come back to Gotham, but Oswald hadn't had the heart to tell him at that point and time that he couldn't agree to those terms. Well more like he was scared that Gordon would kill him anyway so he hadn't opened his mouth. Now that he was back in Gotham, he was sure the cop wouldn't be too happy to see him. Actually he was fairly certain of that, which is why he waited a few weeks to scout out Gordon's whereabouts.

Turns out that the detective lived with his fiance, or rather stayed at her place since Oswald knew he had an apartment all his own. Sad dingy little place that was right in the middle of Falcone's properties. Barbara Kean's apartment on the other hand was located in the inner city to the north, keep going in that direction and that's where all the estates and mansions of the Gotham elite, the Gotham million and billionaires were located including Wayne Manner.

So it was decided that he'd pay a visit to Miss Kean's apartment when he knew that they both would be home. It was a slim chance that James Gordon would actually kill Oswald if his fiance was standing there watching. Even though the chance was slim, it still scared him. He no more wanted to die now then he did on those docks when he felt it was going to be a certainty. Surely if Gordon can listen to reason, actually listen to him, he'd want to help. After all Gordon was a good guy. Good morals still intact. Gotham hadn't robbed him of his humanity yet and he was sure that he would want to help Oswald get rid of Falcone, Fish Mooney, and Maroni.


	4. S1E4: Mystery Meatballs

Setting: S1E4: Arkham

This was taking too long. Oswald wasn't the best worker in the restaurant business and moving his way up the ladder was proving… Bloody. He should feel bad for the body count, according to his mother's morals as well as good guy, Jim Gordon, but he was a firm believer that the end justifies the means. He was doing Gotham a favor. He was helping take down the chain of command that had the city by the throat. But it was taking too long for his liking. He needed to hurry things along.

It wasn't hard to find guns for hire. You just sprinkled a little cash in the right direction and they came running. It was a good thing that he let himself be caught snooping. It was risky, but so has been everything else he'd done since getting back to Gotham. You either died or you got a pay raise. Luckily the Restaurant Manager had liked the job he was doing. The only one reliable around here. Well that's because Oswald was cleaning house of any and all out performing himself. Every chance he got, he'd warn away customers, "You never know what you'll find in the spaghetti meatballs."

So he needed a new vantage point, one that would have him in Maroni's ear. Thus the scheme to hit the restaurant. It was easy as pie making it look like Falcone had done it. After all the guys he'd lured in to do it had been Falcone's men. They were all disgruntled employees because Falcone had a favorite assassin by the name of Victor Zsasz and no one else was getting any action lately. So the plan was made and executed very well. Killing the Restaurant Manager had been a happy fluke, but one Oswald was willing to take advantage of.

Things were finally sliding into place. Just a few more strategic moves, Jim Gordon, GCPD boyscout on the ticket and Gotham could see a brand new day…. In which a well deserving and fair Boss would emerge. Why couldn't Oswald be in charge? He would do the city justice, he thinks. He'd help the blonde detective clean up the streets, only killing those who were disloyal or really fucked up. It would be a better Gotham, one that people would want to visit. Oswald Cobblepot had lofty dreams of being both the Crime Boss and the good guy, never realizing that every person he murdered would take him one step further into madness.


	5. S1E5: Savior

Setting: S1E5 Viper

Once again his life is in the hands of James Gordon. Why did this keep happening? Oh, right, he can't keep his fucking mouth shut. How could he think that he could just tell Maroni and the Boss would believe him? He's shaking, hands tight around his arms, bruising. His nose was throbbing and he could taste blood, his own. He was in pain and he was scared because the blonde detective didn't have to tell the truth. He didn't have to save Oswald's life again. The blonde boyscout had already stated that he should have killed Oswald instead of saving him.

* * *

Literally shaking, every quiver making his body ache, the smaller man wonders if his plans were still going to work... If he survived of course. If Gordon keeps getting pulled into this then he'll be less likely to want to help the green-eyed man when he really needed the detective. There's a bark of laughter from Maroni and it makes Oswald jump. Relief floods through him when the goons holding him drag him back into the dinning room. Green eyes find Jim's blue ones and although the smaller man is just thankful that the blonde told the truth, he can see that all this is really trying the detective's patience.

Gordon wastes no time at all in leaving. Leaving Oswald with Maroni who grills him on all things Fish Mooney and Carmine Falcone. The day not done, he still had to deliver on the promise he had made. All threats with Maroni are death threats and so from now on it truly was a slippery slope that Oswald was on. He would hate for his mother to get that knock on the door. He was now fighting to live day to day. He really, really hoped that James Gordon still wanted to clean up the streets of Gotham.


	6. Prompt: Only One Making You Happy

**PROMPT: "I should be the only one making you happy."**

 **CHARACTERS: Oswald & James Gordon**

The conversation finds them in the bed, late, after a particular gory session of persuasion that the Crime Boss was slowly getting used to. Oswald does not know where the statement came from. James just says it while laying against the smaller man's chest, brace discarded for the skin to skin contact that he so loved. His fingers carding through the blonde's hair. So soft, he loves mussing it up. James shows the world his control in the way he keeps his hair meticulously combed and parted and Oswald knew that there was wild abandon in his heart when he runs his fingers through that hair, messing it up and the man he loves leaves it that way for the rest of the night.

"You are the only one who is making me happy." Green eyes find blue ones as he uses a finger to lift that strong chin. "I don't enjoy the time I spend with them." He means everyone, but for some reason the detective needs this reassurance, so he goes down a list of names. "Nygma used to be a friend, he cut those ties when he tried to kill me. I might be horrible at trying to kill him, but it's not affection, James… That part of me died when I died from his bullet." He chews on his bottom lip for a moment. That was the only person besides Gordon that Oswald had ever said those words to. It made sense that James might see his interactions with The Riddler as something more, but it most definitely was not.

"I spend as little time with Victor Zsasz as possible. The man is a psychopath and truly scares me. If I wasn't paying him, I assure you, he would probably kill me." This he realizes it not a good thing to admit, but he has no secrets from his lover, despite their jobs. "You need not worry though, I have plenty of money to pay the man." Who else? Who else could James feel threatened by? Oswald doesn't spend too much time in others' company, not when he had a loving man to come home to.

"Tell me who you worry about sweeping me off my feet, my love?" He asks finally, no new names having come to mind. The blonde's eyes slip away from him, he turns his head so that his mouth is against Oswald's chest. Muffled breath tickles against the smaller man's skin and he chuckles. "I cannot hear you…" He smiles wanting to pull the man closer to him, but knowing he does not have the strength to do so. Jim places a kiss on the skin before looking up, biting that plump bottom lip, expressive brows furrowing in worry.

"H- Harvey…" There's a pink flush to his cheeks as he says it. Oswald would have missed it had he not been staring intently at that handsome face. Even so he's very, very surprised. The older detective? Why? How? When?

"Harvey Bullock? Your partner?" The smaller man cannot help the small smile as he shakes his head. "I don't understand… He's just now come around to accepting that you and I are a couple. He's always had an innate dislike for me." Throughout Gordon has been shaking his head in disagreement.

"You had lunch…"

"You were there."

"He talks about you all the time now."

"Complaining that I don't tell you more about the crimes he knows I'm behind…"

"You're not listening.. He's got it bad-"

"James, I love you," That shuts him up for a moment. "It's in your head lover. You're so happy that you're afraid something, anything is going to mess it up. I assure you there is NOTHING between Bullock and me. Nothing. I am pretty damn sure that if you asked him what he thought about me, more than ninety percent of it will be horrible things you do not want to hear. He'd probably ask you to compare me against Barbara and Lee too, which is so unfair to the ladies." He chuckles at his joke. He hopes that this alleviates James' worries, non-founded or not.

He was so relieved to see the worry lines melt away from that beautiful chiseled face. His fingers trace that jawline he'd fallen in love with. His hands sliding down to the naked shoulders and lightly pulling on the larger man, letting him know that he wants him closer. Gordon takes the invitation to slide up the smaller man's body. Oswald is more than happy to seal away this conversation with a kiss.


	7. Prompt: It's Christmas, Don't Be Mad

**PROMPT: "It's Christmas, don't be mad at me."**

 **CHARACTERS: Oswald & James Gordon**

Disbelief can clearly be seen in the Crime Boss' eyes as he stares at what was once a very dark, uninviting, and deary manor. There are lights EVERYWHERE. Bright cheery, colorful Christmas lights are adorned over every cling-able surface.

"I- I was only gone for an hour?!" He exclaims as he exits the car fully. The bushes and the trees even had bulbs lit along their branches and foliage. It was simply OVERKILL. He's trying not to show any emotion other than shock. The blonde is standing there watching him. He does not want to hurt his feelings at all.

"I had help! So many wanted to help, actually.." Jim says, chuckling. His smile is contagious. He was truly happy with his accomplishment. The manor looked so damn WARM and INVITING this way. He hated it. He loved his solitude and the colors associated with it. Dark browns, blacks, blacker than blacks. Silver metal when needed… This was a kaleidoscope that had thrown up everywhere.

"Still.. An achievement.. I'm guessing the back is the same way?" He asks, still not having moved from beside the car. On top of the car, fashioned tightly, was the Christmas tree that James had begged him to go and get. Growing up the holiday had never really held a special place for him because well, there was never any extra money for presents. They were lucky to get anything special to eat for it. It had always left a bitter taste in his mouth.

The children coming back from holiday, showing off new clothes, new shoes, new watches, new everything. Explaining why they got this and that. It'd always made Oswald sick and it hadn't helped with making friends in the least. One time he'd taken a pair of scissors to a girl's new jacket and a boy's new pair of shoes before the professor had wrestled the item from his hands.

Shaking away the memory, he turns to nod at the men, there to help move the tree. "I got the eight foot, it'll fit perfectly in the parlor. More intimate in there as well." He looks back at James and frowns. "What is it?"

"You hate it." He says simply. Well FUCK. He shakes his head, limping over to the taller man. He pulls him into his arms.

"No, no. It's different. That's all. I- I told you a little about my childhood, but not much because it wasn't a happy time of my life. Christmas was never a big deal. That's all. It's different and I can adapt. I always do." He smiles up into those blue eyes. "Now, then… Please tell me you left our bedroom alone… Because I do not think I could take you seriously in any sexual manner if there are elves, reindeer, or Mr. & Mrs. Klaus anywhere in there." He chuckles at the bright smile and merriment hidden on those baby blues. God, but he loved this man.


	8. Prompt: In Love

**Prompt: When You Realize You're in Love**

 **Characters: Oswald & Harvey Bullock**

There's never an 'ah ha!' moment. Never a moment of thinking well we just went from this to this. No clear indication that the burly detective had slipped past the walls of Oswald's heart, straight into it. Was overflowing it with affection. There's not a day that he looks at Harvey and thinks, you're the one. It sounds sad to admit these things, but it's true. Sometimes it's not that obvious.

But god does it hurt when you finally realize it.

"Harvey's been shot?!" James Gordon practically yells into the phone as he stands in front of the Crime Boss. Oswald's floor drops out from underneath him. He's on the floor before he realizes anything has happened. His words make no sense to him and yet his men are springing to action and he's being half-carried, half-helped to a waiting car. In the chaos, Gordon has been brought along at gun point. Everything is confusing.

Oswald cannot think. He cannot breath. He's blind and lost and his heart is killing him. Gordon is yelling, trying to draw his own gun and someone knocks him over the head. The blonde crumples onto the other seat in the back of the car. Everything is action and reaction, but Oswald is paralyzed. His mouth moves and orders are given, they drive off. To where? He has no clue. He's trapped on the inside, the place where terror and anger rampage. He knows it's self-preservation. He cannot let this beast take him over, he'd never get anything done.

By some miracle they arrive to where the older Irish man is. Not a hospital, weird that… How had they known when there are no police, no ambulance waiting, around? How? He's being helped out of the car. Two of his men are beside Harvey who is lying on the ground. Through the fuzziness of his brain, he realizes that one of the men beside the older detective is a doctor and that he has an paramedic's bag with him.

Relief should have flooded through him, but as he is helped around the men, he notes that Harvey is not moving. His legs stop working. He's paralyzed again. His heart leaps up into his throat and tears spring unbidden. No, no, no.. NO! Screaming inside his head as he's placed down on the ground beside the prone man. His fingers pick up the detective's hat first, fallen to the side when he hit the ground. He passes it off for safe-keeping. Bright green eyes are open and searching. He's looking around, there's purpose in those eyes and it makes his heart hammer.

Indignantly he scoots closer, dirtying his clothing, but he does not care. Decorum has passed and he could give a flying fuck what anyone thought of the Crime Boss and his vulnerability. "Harvey!" He calls, fingers tangling in hair a little too long, the Irish man always on the verge of getting a haircut, but never really doing it. He pulls his head into his lap and the doctor flurries around the rest of Harvey. Oswald cannot look. Cannot fathom where or what or how bad at all. His mind will not allow it.

"Harvey, I'm here. Look, look at me." He calls, cooing, soothingly at the man. Green eyes roving too quick, too fast to focus. The blood at the corner of the bearded mouth he so loved to kiss, breaks his heart. He reaches up to wipe it away, but stops as the detective's green eyes finally land upon him. "There you are." He smiles down into that face. Harvey's eyes crease in the corners slightly and Oswald knows the man is smiling without even looking at his lips. He's had time to study those eyes, the small lines moving and creasing to make them as expressive as possible.

He would pull all of the man onto him, get as close to him as possible if it would not impede what the doctor was trying to do. Again, he cannot think on that. There's no way this isn't just a patch up and go. Harvey coughs and more blood pools at the corner of his mouth. A forlorn sob escapes from between Oswald's lips at the sight. He refocuses on the man's eyes. Staring into Harvey's eyes. "Stay with me?" He asks, the words soft, almost carefree. As if he's asking him to move in.. Maybe he is. It's an idea. "W- would you stay with me always?"

His words are confusing even to himself. His mind is still not allowing him to understand the situation fully. He doesn't have the faculties to ask about the injury, not yet. Tears are blurring his eyes as his heart rips him in half.

This. This is it. This is when he realizes how much he loves Harvey Bullock.


End file.
